My situation seems to be very complex but am learning that it is more common than others. I have been with someone for over 4 months who is an alcoholic in recovery for 3.5-4 years. I fell in love with this person quite early without knowing them. We have spent every waking moment together for those 4 months and begin to have some conflict as most relationships do sooner or later.
As time progressed during this short period, there were conversations about long-term engagements, marriage and the strong desire to have more kids. I began to focus on that intensely as I fell in love deeper with this person. As our intimacy grew stronger and stronger through lots of experiences of laughter, love and getting to know one another, our conflict began to increase. We both have very strong personalities.
As the conflict grew, we recently discovered that we have a little one on the way into this world. I began to think that a lot of the conflict that has risen has been due to both strong personalities and a pregnancy. We began to go to pre-marital counseling which seemed to start off well but as the arguments grew, the love of my life began to shut down and say things like "I need space", "This is too much for me to handle right now", " We are not compatible" even when our exercises in counseling sessions were saying that we do have capabilities etc.
Since that time, she basically has shut down and will not talk to me but only for brief times. To her own credit, she mentioned to me several times that she wanted to take a step back and get to know each other before moving forward. I tend to be impatient and pushy and now see what she has been talking about all along. We both still admit that we love one another. She will say that she is not capable of dealing with that right now and begins to show typical behaviors of alcoholism in recovery by focusing on self etc.
I would do anything to make this right but I know now I have to focus on my own issues to move forward. Through much counseling and initial meetings at Al-Anon, I am beginning to understand the behaviors of alcoholism coupled with the typical behaviors of a pregnancy.
As a result, I am wondering if this is a common situation? I have backed off and am not pressuring her to do anything at this point. I am just wondering based on the experience of others if this is a salvageable situation? I still believe everyone has issues but if you truly love one another, you will do what it takes to work through the difficulties of life.
Any thoughts or suggestions?
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